Losing my partner, Paul, plunged me into a sea of emotions where anger was notably present. It's important for me to share this because if you're experiencing similar feelings in your grief, I want to assure you that it's perfectly normal. We often shy away from discussing this aspect of anger, but it plays a big role in the healing process.
My Story: Confronting Anger in Grief
When Paul passed away, it felt as though my entire world had been flipped on its head. I wasn't just mourning my partner; I was suddenly navigating life as a single mother.
The anger that surged within me was powerful. It was more than just sorrow – it was a fiery, intense anger directed at the world, at life's inherent unfairness. This type of anger is a common theme for many of us in grief – and acknowledging it is a key step in our journey through loss.
What Stage is Anger in Grief?
In the famous five stages of grief (developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross), anger holds a significant place. The stages are:
1. Denial: You refuse to believe the loss is real, often as a temporary defence mechanism.
2. Anger: Feelings of frustration, irritation, and anger arise as the reality of the loss sets in.
3. Bargaining: You might struggle to regain control by thinking of ways you could have prevented the loss.
4. Depression: You start feeling a deep sadness and realization of the true magnitude of the loss.
5. Acceptance: You come to terms with the loss and begin to move forward.
It's a natural response to the pain of loss. Anger in grief is like your heart is trying to protect itself from the hurt. When I was going through it, I realized that my anger was a way of coping with the immense change in my life. It's okay to feel this anger. It's a sign that you're processing a deep loss, and it's a step towards healing.
A Poetic Journey Through Grief
In the verses of my poem "Anger," a part of my book "My Journey through Grief," I express the intense emotions that grief stirred in me during my journey through grief and bereavement.
This poem gives a sincere and unfiltered glimpse into the anger accompanying grief. In writing it, I aimed to show that expressing this anger is not just acceptable but a part of the healing process.
Grief touches each of us in unique ways, yet by sharing our experiences, we find strength and healing in our collective journey.
"ANGER "
In the deepness of my enormous rage,
I find myself angry with grief.
The weight of loss, a burden hard to bear,
My pain consumes the air.
Each tear that falls, a flame within my soul,
Burning with resentment beyond my control.
I scream into the void; my voice is thunderous
Why must life be so cruel, so unfair,
To strip away the ones I hold dear without care?
But in rage, there’s a flicker of light,
A gentle reminder that anger won't make things right.
For grief is a journey, a path we must take,
And rage, though tempting, won't heal what's been bled
So I take a breath and let my anger subside,
Embracing the pain, with tears as my guide.
For in the depths of grief, a lesson I've learned.
Is that anger and sorrow, together, must be turned
Into strength and resilience, a balm for my soul,
To honour the one I've lost and make them whole.
Transforming Anger into Healing
In the wake of loss, anger can feel like a relentless storm. But what if we could channel this powerful emotion toward healing? My journey taught me that forgiveness is key to transforming anger.
It's not about justifying the events that caused the pain or erasing the memories. It’s more about releasing ourselves from the clutches of anger.
I discovered comfort in engaging in activities like art therapy. I embraced the stillness of long walks and the mindfulness of yoga. These activities were channels to express and move through my anger – gradually guiding me to forgiveness and inner peace.
How To Deal with Anger in Grief
Managing the anger stage in grief is a deeply personal process, but some practical steps can help:
1. Recognize Your Anger: Accept that anger is normal in grief. It's important to acknowledge these emotions without judgment.
2. Seek Therapy: Consider therapy as a secure environment to explore and understand your feelings of anger. It offers a space for guided self-reflection and emotional support.
3. Express Through Art: Channel your emotions into creative outlets such as painting or writing. Art can serve as a powerful tool for expressing and processing feelings. I found relief in painting and drawing. I let creativity act as my therapy. I discuss this more in another of my articles, "How does Colour Therapy help a Broken Heart?"
4. Engage in Physical Activity: Incorporate activities like walking or yoga into your routine. These not only help in releasing emotional tension but also contribute to mental and physical calmness.
5. Find What Resonates with You: Don’t forget that the journey of managing the anger in the grief process is unique to each individual. Explore different methods and stick with what feels most effective and comforting for you.
Join the Journey: From Anger to Healing
Grief brings a spectrum of emotions, with anger often playing a big role. Instead of ignoring and avoiding feeling this anger, consider dealing with anger in grief as a natural and important step in your healing process.
This journey is deeply personal – it reflects the uniqueness of each individual's experience. I urge you to let yourself fully experience these emotions and discover constructive ways to express them. It's through recognizing and addressing our anger that we often discover a path to peace and acceptance.
If you are currently experiencing the complex emotions of grief, remember you are not alone. I extend an invitation to connect deeper with me through my book, "My Journey through Grief." In it, I discuss my own story and the lessons I've learned.
Additionally, my blog and my Instagram account offer a space for support and connection with others who feel the same way. You may find comfort and guidance in other blog articles available on my website, such as "I can't stop crying. How long can grief last?" and "The Healing Power of Forgiveness in the Face of Anger".
Writing from my heart, I hope this post helps you understand that feeling anger in grief is not only normal but a necessary part of the healing journey. If you're feeling this way, know that you're not alone. I've been there, and I understand. Let's walk this path together.
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